::: blog

sometimes i wonder if i can freeze time and stand it still, placing the memory in a clear glass vial with a cork.

beautiful moments and thank-you’s that i want to hold on to, and remember. i feel as though my life will not be one noticed and recognized by the accolade-awarding organizations of society, but that it will be one lived for the individual. for the person who needs someone, an imaginary friend. and the beautiful thing is that i need them too. i wonder if they will know how much i needed them too. i am not as good about saying thanks.

i remember being such a frustrated child. i didn’t know what it was that was wrong in the world. i didn’t know what it was that was wrong with me. i simply knew that things were out of place, and i wanted them to be right again. i still want them to be right again.

tears of joy and love and memories.

naught may endure but mutability, but i hold a hope in the hollow of my hands that the pieces of fallen stars will grow into constellations. constellations that tell stories of great and beautiful things that were. constellations that are prophecies of great and beautiful things yet to be.

shooting stars that leave the longest tails in the sky that you have ever seen.

i haven’t seen a shooting star recently, but i know that as long as i learn and relearn how to look up, i will see them, and see them in broad daylight. know that there is no need for embarrassment here. there never was, there never will be. we are two sides of the same coin. some have missed that connection, but that doesn’t change this piece of coinage.

i hope the splinter works its way out that i was unable to remove with knives and tweezers and finger-nail clippers.

i hope.

hope is a good thing. it is the best of things.

it lives in the best of company and is as fresh on any scene as the life-giving light from the sun after days and weeks of stormy weather.

i loved knowing what questions to ask. i didn’t even think about it. they just came as though i already knew the answers.

but thank you for telling me, and telling me in person. that means a lot.

degrees of separation. patterns. righteous desires. open-ended questions. settling down into near-by locals. searching for the divine. motherhood. fatherhood. childhood. hooded-hoodies.

life is beautiful. life is full. life is good. life is meant to be lived.

thank you for what was. thank you for what is. thank you for what will be.

it is not everyday you find a friend that can withstand the storms and the winters of change, of mutability.

below is a random sampling from my journal entries over the past few years to commemorate this momentous occasion.

so the question for my reader is this: how has your journal writing been going recently?

(and i ask this sincerely, not in any way wishing to compare; rather simply to encourage; but then you would have known that already, me thinks)

October.12.2008 — Provo, Utah

Today marks a record in my journal-keeping: 1,000 consecutive days!!!

I began the day before I entered the MTC in January of 2006 and have not missed a day since. I am currently on my 8th volume, with almost 1,200 pages of entries.

Volumes 1-6 cover my time in Hungary, serving as a missionary for the church. Volume 7 starts shortly after my return and mostly is about my summer travels and school, and now volume 8 begins with the 1st of September 2008 and should last through the New Year.

These pages cover the full range of emotions and experiences–having followed me into the gulches of Capitol Reef and the mountain lakes of the High Uintas. They have traveled over oceans and continents, from the East to West coasts. They have seen me through dark days and lonely weeks as well as in the midst of ecstasy and fulfillment.

May.04.2008 — Vernon, Utah

It was nice taking a sponge bath this morning, shaving and then getting dressed in slacks and a tie to go to church. It is hard to make as much of a distinction on Sundays out camping. So much of the normal every-day things revolved around basic survival–food preparation and clean-up, getting into gear and packing it back up, etc. We did, however, have a wonderful chance to conduct a number of oral histories today and go on a tour of Vernon.

Tomorrow I am the leader of the day. It will be the first day of a three-day trip up a canyon and so it was somewhat crazy tonight as everyone got all of their gear together to break camp early in the morning….

John Kovalenko and John Bennion’s nephew, Collin Mitchell, played something of a concert tonight, the one on the cello and other the violin. It was beautiful.

January.30.2008 — Debrecen, Hungary

A funny story and then a few words about a program:

So last night, at sometime around 12:30, I apparently deiced we need to say another prayer. (Elder Gafin related this to me this morning but I only vaguely remember it). I basically started just talking and woke Elder Gafin up as I kept asking him to say the prayer. He had a hard time making sense of it all at first, seeing how he was half-way asleep. So he asked me three times, “So do you want me to pray?” and each time I said yes. So he crawled out of his bed and said a prayer. After that I just went back to sleep and so, slightly confused but mostly tired, he did the same. We got a good laugh out of it this morning.

This evening we had a great program with Papp Sándor and Katalin. They were super nice. Kati had been to Utah with a folk-dance team and had been impressed by things she had learned and was very interested in the church, specifically in the Holy Temples. Sándor was also interested, especially in prophets and apostles and the fact that all this is done not for money or power.

July.07.2007 — Szeged, Hungary

Farkas Lajos was baptized today by Mari László. As Elder Ruggles said, “The Lord prepared him, a member found him, the Spirit taught him, and we got to watch.”

… Lajos is the first investigator that I have found (i.e. member referred), taught, and seen baptized all in one transfer. Tomorrow marks 28 days, as a matter of fact, since I first met him after church and scheduled with him.

Oh, and by the way, transfer calls come tomorrow morning.

April.13.2007 — Kazincbarcika, Hungary

This transfer, in all honesty, has probably been the one that has taken the longest for me to acclimate. It has taken the better part of the entire 1st transfer. This is most likely due to the fact that I have spend so much of my time elsewhere–but even then six weeks to get “settled” is a while.

I feel as though my stuff is still somewhat scattered–not quite all in its right place.

I have grown a lot in the past six weeks. Seeds sown long ago are taking, and have taken, root in me.

The investigators we have right now are really great as well. I am amazed at the depth of each one and their uniqueness of personality. From Koren Kornélia to Bolló Robert to Szabó Ferenc. They are all such individuals. I have really started to feel a friendship with each one.

November.13.2006 — Pécs, Hungary

Today was a good day, mostly because I just now talked with Lajos and found out that his day went really well, especially with his fasting. He is quitting smoking, which is not altogether an easy thing to do. The largest obstacle, however, most of the time seems to be the degree to which the individual desires to quit. Lajos wants to quit. He understands the importance of it and really wants to live a pure and clean Christian life.

We too are fasting with him today. We all began this afternoon and will finish tomorrow after District Meeting all together with a prayer and lunch and a lesson. Even though today is our Preparation Day Dieuri and I spent the afternoon watching over a less-active youth in the branch. His younger brother had a operation, for exactly what I never have quite understood, and so his mom is there at the hospital with him. She asked us to pick him up from school and so we did…

My family is doing well. I am doing well. Dieuri is doing well, and so it Lajos. I also made a list of everyone to whom I want to send Christmas card and I bought those today so I can get them off in time before the last-minute rush — especially since they have to travel a bit father than usual.

p.s. This will actually be my first Christmas away from home, and subsequently my first time sending Christmas cards.

June.18.2006 — Győr, Hungary

And thus passes another day in the life of Coy Elder. And a good day it was too.

Incidentally, today marks the 6 month mark from entering the MTC. How far I’ve come in time, space, and progress! And yet something ever so quietly whispers that the next 6 months will be all the more crucial and influential. This difference will be the result, I reason, from the shift in perspectives from inward to outward. To date I have been primarily focused on my own development–in the gospel and with Hungarian. The next six months will, however, be substantially different in this regard.

This morning was somewhat rough going, however–but the Book of Mormon to the rescue–and, more specifically, Alma 26:27. I needed it, to say the least. Saving souls is not to come without a price, to reference Elder Holland, … no, indeed it is not!

February.10.2006 — Provo, Utah

Today Andruska Testvér and Despain Testvér said no more than 15 words in English the entire day. We learned a lot. I think their not speaking English will be a big aid to us.

Other than that today was very similar to yesterday and the day before. I don’t have much to say.

I still have a lot to learn, here in particular and on the mission in general. I am progressing in my Book of Mormon in Magyar goal and have added a number of other Speak Your Language (SYL) goals.

Tomorrow is Preparation day and I am scheduled for a haircut. I guess we will see then how thin it is getting up on top sooner rather than later.

a week ago today was general conference. i really enjoyed the talks and the time to think about where i am at in my life and what i need to do from here. i had questions going into general conference (mainly about direction, debt, and dating: the three things i seem to be worrying about recently) and they were all answered. i posted my notes from conference on my scripture wiki, but if you want to actually listen to the talks you can find them at the church’s website, or on www.byu.tv (under the tab “LDS Church Broadcasts”).

click here to see my notes in my scripture wiki.

here are some screen shots from the broadcast:

here is a list of three of the talks that i felt a particular affinity for:

• Let Him Do It with Simplicity — Elder L. Tom Perry
• The Ministry of Angles — Elder Jefferey R. Holland
• Come to Zion — Elder D. Todd Christofferson
• Pray Always — Elder David A. Bednar
• Gospel Teaching—Our Most Important Calling — William D. Oswald

eliana and i spent the evening together, going to a play (seussical at the scera theatre) and then getting some frozen yoghurt.

here are some photos from an evening drive along the alpine loop with my family

my grandpa takes care of everyone he can. he always has, as long as i can remember. in seattle, his car was known as the Lord’s taxi because he would always give rides to the widows and the old who couldn’t get around to and from church as well as other doctor’s appointments or errands. at church they called him the candy man because he would always have smarties in his pocket to give away to kids, youth, and the not-so-young as well. i remember one sunday in particular, when i was visiting on my way up to Alaska. it was shortly after they decided (and told others) that they were going to be moving down to salt lake city. there was a handicapped youth that was particularly fond of my grandpa and was mad at him for leaving. he knew just what to do, though, and spent the next hour with her, making her laugh. after moving down here to salt lake, this tendency to serve seemed to only increase. the neighborhood where they moved is something of a residential community and is full of widows or those who need help around the house or rides to the doctor’s office.

all of this, however, is just background to the fact that just over two weeks ago while helping a neighbor change a light bulb in her house he lost his balance on the step stool and fell, breaking his hip, landing him in the hospital and in the surgery room where a plate was put on his hip with a number of screws to hold the bones in place.

(carolee and grandpa)

he hasn’t enjoyed his hospital stay all that much, and would rather be back at home, in his own bed, and would rather spend time helping others than resting so his hip can heal.

it has been good to have family close by though, and my dad has been up there a number of times, as well as the rest of us. after conference this last sunday, we all piled in the car and went up to see him and my grandma in the care center where they recently moved him from the hospital.

(grandpa sporting carolee’s shades)

(the lot of us)

and now each night i count
the stars…
and each night i get the same number.
and when they will not come to be counted-
i count the holes they leave

–imamu amiri baraka–

here is a portion of a larger video discussing the history of stuff. i recently watched this film and wrote about it for class. i thought i would embed a portion of it here, just ’cause i was thinking about it. this part talks about consumerism, something near and dear to all of us in today’s world, no?

the story of stuff (click here to see the whole film, approx. 20 min)

to see some of my thoughts, as well as a summary of the entire film, visit my readings blog, at http://readings.andrewcoy.com

so today, carl asked me if i wanted to go out with eco-response and work with some goats on a farm by utah lake. i, of course, said yes. sitting at home now, i am still enjoying the smell of it all that is lingering on my jeans.

our task consisted mostly of separating goats from… well, goats. it being mating season and all, we needed to separate into different smaller pens a number of the she-goats and then get the billy-goats and put them in there too. the only thing was that the goats didn’t know what we were up to (but maybe if they knew, they would have been even less cooperative, come to think of it), and so it took some fancy footwork to corner them and then herd them into the separate pens. it was all mapped out, just like a byu dating game, about who was to be with whom.

so it was all in all, a great way to spend the evening. i enjoyed it far more than the other thing i had going on tonight (namely, a mission reunion).

i think i just made a new best friend.

funny thing is that he is a friend from a long time ago.

true, we haven’t always been on the best of terms.

but that is not what is important now.

so alex, my roommate, decided that we each needed color-coded dishes to organize our kitchen and create the optimal circumstances for us to keep it from becoming a dirty-dish-mess. i must admit, it is working wonderfully well and really makes our kitchen quite cute in a funny sort of way. we like the way they look all set out, and figure that is the most time-saving way to store them, so we actually leave them out all the time, and then, when they are dirty, we wash and dry the item and then put it back on the table.

here is alex showing them off.

we also got this hanging lamp for the living room that i really like.

and here is a random picture of the roommate carl.

the words of yesteryear come floating by in waves and frequencies in a phone call. she recalled my love of solitude and affection for loneliness. but now, i am lost in my need for someone else. but now is the time for a return to innocence. this spiral stair case is doubling back on its self. there are new inner caves in need of exploration and passages only large enough for one. new dreams and long hours of hard work ahead of me.

peering over the edge i see greatness. standing on the summit i look forwards and backwards. the mists of the morning are clearing in the heat of the sun.

voice messages left on mailboxes and “off” switches.

so for three years now there has been this festival put on by sego called the sego festival.

this was my first chance to go. i went to listen to adam and darcie play, along with carl.

here are some pictures from the day. (p.s. it was a georgeous day in a georgeous place)

All of us have felt something of both union and separation. Sometimes in families and perhaps in other settings we have glimpsed life when one person put the interests of another above his or her own, in love and with sacrifice. And all of us know something of the sadness and loneliness of being separate and alone. We don’t need to be told which we should choose. We know. But we need hope that we can experience unity in this life and qualify to have it forever in the world to come. And we need to know how that great blessing will come so that we can know what we must do.

- President Henry B. Erying, 1st Presidency Message, September 2008 Ensign, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or, the Mormons

sacrifice

transformation

turning and re-turning

rebirth and ressurection